I’m an only child and was raised by a single mother from a very young age.
So, you might say that I really don’t have a model to follow in terms of what it’s like to be a dad, or even, what a dad should do. Although, I do know that I want to be involved in the pregnancy process and I want to be an active father for my child.
What I’ve quickly noticed though is that it’s extremely easy for men to be left out of so many things pregnancy related, and I think this extends beyond the birth of the child. Surely you’ve heard people say that moms do all the work and that dad is hardly ever present. Yes, some dads end up being slack, but I think society accidentally plays a part in this occurrence.
Two Examples of Being Left Out
The two examples below are relatively trivial, but they show how a pattern could be established, unknowingly to the mom or dad, prior to the child ever being born.
- My wife and her mother were recently discussing plans to go to buybuy Baby to start a registry. Upon hearing this I spoke up and made it known that I’d like to go so that I can get educated and not be in the dark. Doing so would help get me immersed in a world that is completely foreign as of now. Comically (in a weird way) even after trying to insert myself in the experience my wife will be flying to her hometown while I’m away with friend for a weekend to go to buybuy Baby with a friend.
- As I was leaving for work one morning recently my wife said something like, “I have a call with a potential doula at 9 am.” My wife and I talk frequently and it’s not as if we leave each other in the dark, but I was completely blindsided by this meeting. Again, this wasn’t an intentional omission, but I have to say… the only time I’ve ever hear anything about a doula was on an episode of About a Boy.
Again, these aren’t ground breaking examples, but it does show an (accidental) pattern very early on.
So to future and existing dads, lets change things and let it be known that we want to be involved.
“Aint nobody got time for slacker dads!”